sailing the fingers of the dragon

OH MY GOD BATTLESTARS. OMG OMG OMG EXTREME OMG WIIIIN.

( incoherent IM convo behind the cut on one particular scene )

Um, actual thoughts after a re-watch. I hope.

Dear fanfic authors,

Having some trouble with terminology? Think some saucy sayings will give your fic the spice it obviously needs? Look no further! We delve into classic literature to bring you phrases like:

- soft laboratory of love
- mossy mounts
- mouth of nature
- cock pit
- and my favourite, soft gateway to the entrance of pleasure!

Need to get a better handle - heh, heh - on the other side of things? Try some of these for size:

- love's true arrow
- stiff insinuation
- scepter-member
- delicious velvet tip
- staff of love
- sensitive plant
- standard of distinction
- wren peeping out of the grass
- and who can forget, an object of terror and delight!

Remember, whenever you're stuck, just turn to the higher-quality literature that's out there and you'll bust through that writer's block as if through her membrane of innocence!

This is easily one of the best things I've read in a long time.

Cvltvre Made Stvpid
Tom Weller

Meanehwæl, baccat meaddehæle, monstær lurccen;
Fulle few too many drincce, hie luccen for fyht.
Ðen Hreorfneorhtðhwr, son of Hrwærowþheororthwl,
Æsccen æwful jeork to steop outsyd.
Þhud! Bashe! Crasch! Beoom! Ðe bigge gye
Eallum his bon brak, byt his nose offe;
Wicced Godsylla wæld on his asse.
Monstær moppe fleor wyþ eallum men in hælle.
Beowulf in bacceroome fonecall bamaccen wæs;
Hearen sond of ruccus sæd, "Hwæt ðe helle?"
Graben sheold strang ond swich-blæd scharp
Stond feorth to fyht ðe grimlic foe.
"Me," Godsylla sæd, "mac ðe minsemete."
Heoro cwyc geten heold wiþ fæmed half-nelson
Ond flyng him lic frisbe bac to fen
Beowulf belly up to meaddehæle bar,
Sæd, "Ne foe beaten mie færsom cung-fu."
Eorderen cocca-cohla yce-coeld, ðe reol þyng.